Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
