Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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