Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
