I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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