You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
