I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
