Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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