Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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