another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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