someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
