do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
