so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
