i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
