Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
