i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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