i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Randomize
