Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
