Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize