my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize