Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
