You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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