You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
