I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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