What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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