the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
