If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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