This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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