Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
