Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
