i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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