Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
