She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
