yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
