can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
