Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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