All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
