I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
