Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
