We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
