i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
