youre lurking in front of me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
