I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
