Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
