This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
