I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
