dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
