My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
