coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
