Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
