So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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