After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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