It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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