it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
