Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
