the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
