i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
