She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
