I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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