I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
