I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize