1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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