I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
