yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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