The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
