Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
