One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
