Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
