please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
