people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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