Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
