Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
