they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
