Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
