Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She swung at the pinata with crutches
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
