It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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