You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
