I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
