you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
