yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
