i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
