afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
