I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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