i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
